What your child needs in each home

March 2026

Across separated families, one of the steadier sources of small daily friction is equipment: what is at which home, what travelled, what got left behind. The coordination is rarely complicated on its own, but it accumulates over weeks and tends to fall unevenly between households. A shared overview of what belongs where reduces the load on both parents and gives the child a more settled everyday life.

Basics in both homes

Some things should be available in both homes, so the child does not have to think about packing the essentials. The idea is that the child can arrive at each home and have what they need, without a big bag.

Typical basics: toothbrush and toothpaste, hairbrush, their own bedding, towels, a pair of indoor shoes, enough clothes for the stay (including underwear and socks), and a charger for phone or tablet if applicable. Fiese's review of family-routine research links steady routines to how well children adjust.

For younger children: nappies, dummy, drinking bottle, a favourite book or soft toy (if the child has several), and childproofing where needed.

Things that should follow the child

Anything that exists in only one copy — and the child needs daily — should come along at every handover. This typically includes the school bag, lunch kit, specific clothes for activities, and medical equipment.

Medication and allergy equipment are especially important. Both parents should know which medications the child uses and at what dose. They should also know where the equipment is kept. Ideally it should be in both homes, but if not, it must always follow the child.

The favourite stuffed animal or comfort blanket is easy to forget, but can make a big difference to the child's sense of safety, especially at bedtime in the other home.

Seasonal equipment

Needs change with the seasons: snowsuit, mittens, and hat through winter, swimwear and sunscreen in summer, rain gear and wellies for spring and autumn.

Not everything needs to be doubled, but it helps to review what is needed in each home at the change of season. A quick check in September and March can save many mornings without the right winter jacket.

Write down what is in each home and update the list when things move or get replaced.

Age-appropriate lists

Needs change as the child grows. A small child needs nappies and a dummy. A school-age child needs a backpack, gym kit, and perhaps an instrument. A teenager needs a charger and bus money.

Let the child take part in the process when old enough. Children from about seven or eight can have their own small checklist to use before each handover.

Teenagers should largely manage this themselves, but it still helps for parents to have a shared overview, especially for medical equipment and anything expensive to replace.

Avoid making the child the messenger

A common pattern is the child becoming the one who remembers and carries information between homes. 'Tell dad that…' or 'remember to bring…' places responsibility on the child that really belongs to the parents.

A shared equipment list that both parents can see and update removes this burden from the child. The parents check the list; the child does not have to remember everything.

The same goes for messages. Practical information should go directly between parents, not through the child.

How to keep track

What works is one shared place where both parents can see what is in each home. A printed list on the fridge works; a shared spreadsheet works; purpose-built coordination apps such as Lina do the same job with the list editable from both homes in real time.

Update the list regularly. Clothes that are too small, broken equipment, and seasonal changes should be caught before they become a problem on a busy morning.

Keep the list as a shared working document, updated by both parents, so the child has what they need in either home without either parent having to track it from memory.

Sources

Fiese et al.: family routines and rituals research summary (APA) →

American Academy of Pediatrics: Helping Children and Families Deal With Divorce and Separation, Pediatrics (2016) →

Cafcass: planning your child's time with both parents after separation →

Shared equipment lists for both homes

Lina's shared equipment lists let both parents see what is in each home, and update in real time. So the equipment follows the child.

Download on the App Store Get on Google Play

Common questions

What should a child have in both homes?

Day-to-day basics — clothes, toiletries, school supplies, somewhere to sleep — are best duplicated so the child does not carry them back and forth. Only things that genuinely belong to the child, like a specific comfort object or medication, need to travel.

How do you keep track of what is at each home?

A shared list both parents can see prevents the recurring “it’s at the other house” problem. An equipment list in a co-parenting app or a simple shared note both work.

Should a child carry messages between parents?

No. Asking a child to relay logistics or money questions puts them in the middle. Coordination belongs between the adults, in writing where possible.