Writing a care agreement — what it should cover

The everyday schedule

Start with the week. Specify who has the child on which days, where handovers happen, and at what time. "Thursday at 16:30, at the daycare gate" is the level of detail that holds up; "roughly around Thursday afternoon" tends to drift within weeks.

Cover the regular pattern — alternating weeks, 3-4-4-3, 2-2-5-5, or whatever suits your rhythm — and note when it begins.

Include the boundaries of the week. If one parent takes the child on Friday at school pickup, write that down, with time and place. The edges of the week cause most of the disagreements, so they are worth describing in detail.

Holidays and school breaks

School breaks, summer holidays, and public holidays need their own rules. The regular schedule usually pauses during longer breaks, and public days like midsummer, Christmas Eve, or the 17th of May need their own line in the agreement.

Agree in advance how holidays are split: alternating years, halving the break, or dividing by named days. Write down which parent has which holiday in odd years and which in even. Without that, every year becomes a new negotiation. For a fuller treatment of the common approaches, see the article on sharing holidays across two homes.

Include travel. Who informs whom, how much notice is needed, and what consent is required for trips across borders. Many airlines and border authorities require a signed consent letter from the non-travelling parent — name, dates, destination, and both passport numbers.

Decisions, big and small

Separate everyday decisions from larger ones. Each parent decides screen time, bedtimes, snacks, and weekday activities in their own home. School choice, passport applications, orthodontic treatment, religious education, and relocation are decided together.

Name what happens when you disagree. A short escalation path — try to resolve it directly, bring in a mediator if the conversation stalls, and write down whatever is finally agreed — is more useful than a fixed rule that may not fit the next disagreement.

Health information should flow freely between the homes. Doctor visits, prescriptions, and significant symptoms belong in the shared channel within a day or two of happening.

Money and shared costs

An agreement does not need to replace whatever legal child support exists. It benefits from spelling out what is shared outside of it: activities, equipment, school trips, winter gear, phones, and healthcare costs above the reimbursement threshold.

Be concrete about thresholds. "We discuss anything above 500 kroner / 50 euros" is easier to follow than "larger expenses."

Keep a simple shared record, updated as purchases happen. A note in a shared list or app is enough. Six months later, no one will remember who paid for the football boots.

Communication: how and how often

Agree on the channel. Practical information about the child should live in one place that both parents can see and update. Apps built for shared-care coordination, such as Lina, are designed for this; a shared calendar combined with an agreed messaging thread does most of the same job in simpler setups. What matters is that messages, schedule, and shared notes are not spread across texts, emails, and phone calls.

Set expectations for response time — something like 24 hours for non-urgent messages is a reasonable baseline for most families.

Name what belongs in the shared channel. School communication, health, logistics, equipment. Relationship history, new partners, and money frustrations do not.

Review the agreement yearly

An agreement is a living document. Put a yearly review on the calendar, ideally in August before the new school year, and read it through together. Adjust what no longer fits.

Write changes down at the time they are agreed. A short message in the shared channel with "from November 1, Wednesday pickup moves to 15:30" is enough. Amend the main agreement at the yearly review.