Starting kindergarten or school across two homes

What the research says about the start

López and Benner found that more than 70% of the 13,390 US children in their sample had challenges in both the academic and socioemotional domains when entering kindergarten. Greater challenges were linked to lower reading and maths scores and to more internalising and externalising behaviour, and some of those associations were still detectable later in elementary school.

The study also grouped schools by how they supported the transition. Most (63%) fell into a "high basic" pattern of frequent information sent home and classroom visits, 29% offered minimal support, and 9% added home visits or staggered entry. Children at high-basic schools had fewer transition challenges than those at minimal-support schools, though the effect was small. The data are American and say nothing about family structure, so they describe the transition in general rather than for separated families.

Making sure both parents get the same information

In Norway, both parents have the right to the same information about the child even when they live apart, according to Foreldreutvalget for grunnopplæringen (FUG), the national parents' committee for primary and secondary education, which refers to barnelova § 47. Day-to-day practical information normally goes to the parent the child lives with, so the other parent may need to contact the school and ask to receive it directly.

The practical step is the same in any country: each parent gives the kindergarten or school their own contact details, and both are registered for messages, parent meetings and the first-day letter. Rules differ outside Norway, so a parent in doubt can ask what the school's routine is for parents who live apart.

Medical and school decisions across two homes — who decides what

Drop-offs and the goodbye

Dr Stephanie Schwartz, a psychologist quoted by the Child Mind Institute, recommends a short goodbye ritual that the child helps to create, such as a hug and a set phrase, and keeping the moment of separation brief, since dragging it out tends to make it harder. She describes rituals as reassuring to children and adults alike.

In two homes, a ritual only works if both parents use it. Agreeing it in a short message before the first week, and telling the staff who is doing which drop-offs and pick-ups, means the child meets the same routine on a Monday at one address and a Thursday at the other. If a parent is expected to stay during part of the settling-in, it helps to decide beforehand whether the same parent attends all of those days or whether they are split.

Fitting the schedule around the first weeks

When a handover falls on a kindergarten or school day, the parent handing over and the parent receiving need to agree what travels with the child: spare clothes, a comfort object, and any forms the school has sent home.

One option is to keep the existing schedule unchanged for the first weeks and set a review date for once the child has settled. Coordination tools built for two-home families, Lina among them, hold a shared calendar for the drop-off and pick-up days and a place for notes both parents can see.

From kindergarten to school

Udir, the Norwegian Directorate for Education and Training, states that the kindergarten should work with parents and the school to give children a safe transition, and that kindergarten and school should exchange knowledge about the oldest children. Sharing information about an individual child with the school requires the parents' consent.

Where parents share parental responsibility, it helps if both have seen what the kindergarten passes on, and have agreed what the school is told about the child's routines, needs and the two-home arrangement before the form arrives. Udir also says the oldest children should experience continuity between kindergarten and school, which a parent can support by keeping the morning routine the same at both addresses.