Sleep routines across two homes

What the research says about sleep in shared care

A Swedish study by Turunen and colleagues used a nationally representative survey of 11,802 pupils in grades 5, 7 and 9. Children in shared physical custody were more likely than children in two-parent families to have late bedtimes and trouble falling asleep. They were not more likely to sleep less than recommended or to report a gap between school mornings and weekends. Children with less-than-equal sharing generally slept worse than children in two-parent families.

A Norwegian study of 8,833 adolescents aged 16 to 19 found that those in joint physical custody had sleep patterns closer to peers in two-parent families than to peers in single-parent or stepparent families. In a US cohort followed to ages 5 and 9, Rudd and colleagues found that parental separation predicted poorer sleep quality, but the number of overnights with the non-residential parent did not. In the US study the indirect effects through sleep were small. All of these studies describe associations and cannot show what causes the differences.

How much sleep and what bedtime

The 2016 consensus statement from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine gives 10 to 13 hours per 24 hours for ages 3 to 5, 9 to 12 hours for ages 6 to 12 and 8 to 10 hours for ages 13 to 18, naps included for the youngest. A bedtime follows from the wake-up time on school mornings. A child who gets up at 6:45 and needs 10 hours is asleep by about 8:45.

A clinical guide for school-age children by Mindell and Owens, reproduced by an NHS trust, advises a bedtime and wake-up time that stay about the same each day, preferably before 9:00 p.m. for this age group. It notes that 30 to 60 minutes less sleep than a child needs can affect behaviour. Two homes with bedtimes an hour apart produce that difference without anyone intending it.

Making the routine travel between homes

The order of the evening can stay the same even when the surroundings change: dinner, bath or shower, teeth, a book, lights out. The same guide recommends a routine that is the same every night and includes calm activities such as reading. Written as a short list of four or five steps, it is easy for the other parent to copy.

The first night after a handover is a natural place to keep things steady. Agreeing that the child arrives with a bag that already holds the comfort object and the book currently being read, and that the first evening keeps the usual bedtime, gives the child the same starting point in either home. For children under 6, the other parent can pass on the current bedtime, the nap length and any new habit such as a night light.

Weekends, screens and the bedroom

The Swedish study also measured the gap between school-morning and weekend sleep, sometimes called social jetlag, and did not find it more often among children in shared physical custody. A weekend limit still helps when the two homes differ: if one home allows a bedtime two hours later on Fridays and Saturdays, the child's weekend sleep depends on which home they are in. A shared limit, for example no more than 1 hour later than on school nights, keeps the difference small in both homes.

The Mindell and Owens guide advises a bedroom that is dark, cool and quiet, and says a television, computer or gaming system does not belong in it. Screens are a common point of difference between homes. A rule such as phones and tablets charging outside the bedroom from a fixed time is easier to keep when both homes use the same time.

Screen time and technology rules across two homes

Agreeing on it and writing it down

Parents do not need identical routines. A short shared note with the bedtime window (for example 8:30 to 9:00 on school nights), the weekend limit, the screen cut-off and the steps of the evening routine covers most of the ground. The US study found that separation itself was linked to poorer sleep while the number of overnights was not. None of the studies tests cross-home routines directly, so the practical aim follows the general advice on regular sleep schedules: a routine that changes as little as possible at the border between homes.

Coordination tools built for two-home families, Lina among them, hold a shared note and a calendar that both parents can check, which keeps the agreed bedtime in one place instead of in two sets of memories. If a child has trouble falling or staying asleep, snores or has sleep problems that disrupt the day, the same guide advises speaking to a doctor.